"Why can't you have kids?"
"Because I'm broken."
That's what I want to say, but it tends to make people uncomfortable. So I launch into a long drawn out speech about how there is no definitive answer. It's not that I can't get pregnant, it's that I haven't, blah blah blah. I have some broken parts.
Some really irritating, underachieving parts.
For years I would wait every month for my "lady friend". Every month she would come faithfully to visit me, even when I didn't want her around. And every month I would feel broken all over again.
I donated my body to science (not really, but it felt like it). I peed on many sticks. Ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, and any other pee-on-it test there was. I was poked and prodded, much like a pin cushion. And internal ultrasounds - not fun, ever. Especially when your ovaries are in the wrong places.
All this confirmed that I was broken.
My insides don't work. I don't have eggs that fertilize. I don't have a uterus that holds a baby.
But I do have ears to hear my kids laugh. I do have eyes to watch them grow. I do have lips to kiss their faces off. I do have arms to hold them tight. I do have a heart that smiles when they yell "mommy". And I do have two babies that I wouldn't trade for all the unbroken parts in the world.
"Because I'm broken."
That's what I want to say, but it tends to make people uncomfortable. So I launch into a long drawn out speech about how there is no definitive answer. It's not that I can't get pregnant, it's that I haven't, blah blah blah. I have some broken parts.
Some really irritating, underachieving parts.
For years I would wait every month for my "lady friend". Every month she would come faithfully to visit me, even when I didn't want her around. And every month I would feel broken all over again.
I donated my body to science (not really, but it felt like it). I peed on many sticks. Ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, and any other pee-on-it test there was. I was poked and prodded, much like a pin cushion. And internal ultrasounds - not fun, ever. Especially when your ovaries are in the wrong places.
All this confirmed that I was broken.
My insides don't work. I don't have eggs that fertilize. I don't have a uterus that holds a baby.
But I do have ears to hear my kids laugh. I do have eyes to watch them grow. I do have lips to kiss their faces off. I do have arms to hold them tight. I do have a heart that smiles when they yell "mommy". And I do have two babies that I wouldn't trade for all the unbroken parts in the world.
My girlie parts are broken.
My mommy parts are not.
My mommy parts are not.
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17 comments:
My husband doesn't like it when I say that I am broken, but that is how I feel. I love what you said about my girlie parts being broken but my mommy part are not...that is perfect!! I am extremely lucky to have working mommy parts!!!
That is so cute. I feel the same sometimes but then I am reminded that I have two beautiful kids and I am so grateful that I at least got them... Thanks for the reminder.
Britney, you are awesome. This post made me cry. With all of the stress and the crying kids here, I have been irritated lately and not in the best mood towards them and yes,in the frustration of it all- wondering what in the heck we did, and sometimes longing for the "way it was" back. And then I read your blog and it puts it all back together for me and makes me remember their sweet spirits that need a mom & a loving home too! They didn't do anything wrong to be born there, and it will only be hard for a little while till they forget orphanage life and rules. Thank you for your sweet inspiration and possitive attitude, blessings will come to you because of it!
I think you are an amazing mommy!!! And everyone in my house thinks you are a great aunt!!!! I loved that post and I needed to read it today espically (addie is on a food strike) THANK YOU!!!!
Amen to that- I hate stupid people who ask stupid questions. And you are a mom with more than working parts.. You have eyes in the back of your head, arms like an octopus, and a heart that is bigger than a cantalope! Who cares about ovaries- all of us know they are over rated anyway.
I LOVE this post Brittney! You said it perfectly. :)
I love that, you. i have said it before, but i love to read your writings. you are what makes a true mommy. girl parts have nothing to do with it. i know lots of women who have the parts but should in no way be mommies. i love what being a mommy has made you, you have so much love about you!
Hey Britney, This is Beccka (Peyton)Marley, I married Tim Marley. I just came across your blog. So cute by the way. But I was reading it with Tim (who is adopted and his 4 siblings)and we just loved what you wrote. He said you should (if you havent already) check out this book by Michael McLean called From God's arms, to my arms to yours. Its a sweet sweet book and Tim said another book called the Mulberry Bird. Anyway we thought what you wrote was soo awesome. Adoption is a big part of our lives!!!! Your family it sooo adorable!!! I love the sleeping pics!!!
I think the most important part, your loving mommy heart is not the best part to not be broken. This was beautiful!!! Your words show how wonderful of a mom you are!
I freakin' love you and this should be written in a book or something because it was written SO perfect. I think about you all the time and can't wait to hear your exciting news when the time comes. I wish I was coming to visit soon so we could all get together again. That was just TOO fun!! Miss you.
Britney you are definately NOT broken. Every time I read your blog I'm so amazed by you I want to give you my kids!:)
i loved this post. it made me cry. but tears of joy for you and your family because you are AMAZING people.
You did write all of your thoughts so well! It made me cry! I love that you are sharing so much. I love hearing about all of it and think that any new baby that comes to your home is going to be one very lucky kid! You are obviously a very good mother and inspire me!!!
I love this post because I can completely relate. But your last two lines describe it completely. We won't let our broken parts keep us from being the best mommy's ever
Britney, you make me cry..you have such a way of saying things that is just amazing. You need to write a book...seriously you do! Mandy :)
Thanks for making me cry! You are not broken. God just had another plan for you. This was such a sweet and inspiring post, thanks Brit.
Somehow I found your blog and I appreciate your words.
Blessings,
Becca
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